Depression hurts

I need to be honest and since this is my big it’s ok. I suffer from depression and while I have pills to help treat I just can’t take them.
Stupid right? It’s just one pill. Big deal. Well it is a big deal. The pill changes me and I don’t like it. The effect does take about a month to set in but I get this really weird sensation that I just can’t explain. It’s almost like having that pit in your stomach feeling all the time. I tried to ignore it and tell myself it’s normal and it’s ok. I need to change but in the end I just stopped taking them. I couldn’t handle the feeling. Anybody know what I am talking about?
And what’s worse is that I lie to my mom and my entire family. I tell them I take the pills and try to act like some one who is taking them. What the fuck was I thinking when I decided that was a good idea? I know it’s wrong to lie bit I don’t know what to do. I am letting this disease control my life. I’m just not sure how to change that.


3 thoughts on “Depression hurts

  1. I think…taking pills sucks, and isn’t fun…especially when everything already feels like crap a lot of the time to begin with.
    But…you might find if you give them a (real) chance…and don’t let yourself quit…like…take them steady for several weeks…that you see the light at the end of the tunnel and that they aren’t so terrible after all. Maybe…I usually find that we all have to advocate for ourselves, especially in the mental health world, because there certainly aren’t enough people doing it for others.

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